Aug. 11, 2026
Getting A Head
So… is the husband really the “head of the household”? Funny thing—Scripture never actually says that. In this episode, we take a closer look at what Paul means when he calls the husband the “head” of the wife in Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 11....
So… is the husband really the “head of the household”? Funny thing—Scripture never actually says that.
In this episode, we take a closer look at what Paul means when he calls the husband the “head” of the wife in Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 11. Does “head” mean boss, final decision-maker, or spiritual authority? Or have we added a little more to the metaphor than Paul did?
We follow Paul’s own explanation back to Christ: sacrificial love, giving Himself up for His bride, and a marriage shaped by mutual submission—not a chain of command.
Turns out, marriage may be less about who gets the final say and more about both people following Jesus.
This episode includes AI-generated content.
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They whispered, leave the deep thoughts, dear, just smile and
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be sweet. Don't worry about the doctrine. Just find yourself
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a seat. But the gospel shatters strongholds. It's a wrecking
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ball of grace. We're tearing down the tired lies all
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over this holy place. Martha, Mary and may Welcome to Martha,
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Mary and Mayhem. This is Cassandra Barbado. I'm your host,
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and i am Amber Jing it's your co host. Welcome.
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We are talking about.
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The head of the household. Some believe it could be
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the dude, yes, some feel like it's the husband.
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Well, head of the house is a phrase that has
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used a lot about the man in the marriage, right,
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but it's actually not what scripture says he is. That
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Scripture says he's the head of the wife. Yes, if
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scripture meant to say that the husband is the head
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of the house, it would have said that. But it doesn't.
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It says the head of the wife. So we're going
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to explore this concept today as the husband being the
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head of the wife and what that means.
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And there are a couple of examples, the first one
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being Ephesians chapter five, And we can look at verses
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twenty two and twenty three, and starting in verse twenty two,
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it says, wives subject yourselves to your own husbands as
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to the Lord, for the husband is the head of
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the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church,
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he himself being the savior of the body.
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What is the teaching that you had growing up about
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what that meant?
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Oh, it totally meant.
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He was my boss in charge. He was the final say,
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he was the authority, He initiated all the things.
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Gotcha, what I was taught was like the final decision maker.
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I don't know that I had it as extreme of
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being that the wife didn't have a say, but if
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there was like a disagreement, the husband was the tiebreaker.
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Yeah.
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The reason why there are those who believe that is
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because of this phrase head of the wife, and they
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interpret that head means authority. So we should really look
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at what head means in scripture in reference to Christ
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being the head of the church and what Paul says
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in relationship to the husband being the head of the wife.
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Here's something that is really this is just gonna blow
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everybody's mind. Guess what head means in the Greek.
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What does head mean in the Greek, it just means.
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Head, oh, like the thing on top of your shoulders.
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See, So it doesn't mean power or authority or ruler.
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No, it's a body part. There's a metaphor. And so
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if it's a metaphor, Paul is probably the one who
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can describe to us his own metaphor and what that means.
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We just have to look a couple verses down at
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verse twenty five. Husbands love your wives just as Christ
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also loved the church and gave himself up for her.
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So it's not dictatorship. It's a position of sacrificial service.
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This example for the husband is Christ, who loved the
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church so much he gave his life for it sacrificial love.
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Even in that verse twenty three where it says for
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the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ
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also is the head of the church, Paul starts describing
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his own metaphor right there, because he says he himself
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being the savior, yes, of the body. He doesn't say
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he himself being the decision maker of the body, or
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he himself being in charge or the boss of the body.
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And to be clear, Jesus is the boss. He's in charge.
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This particular metaphor is not referencing his authority Onirse.
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Corinthians eleven three says, but I want you to realize
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that the head of every man is Christ, and the
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head of the woman is man, and the head of
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Christ is God. Yep, that's also using that word again.
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Yes.
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The real question is is what does Paul mean by head?
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Does he mean boss? Because if you go through this passage,
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when you get down to the bottom of it, it says,
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for as woman came from man, so also man is
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born of woman, but everything comes from God. This is
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a conversation about origins. There's a an origin of life
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conversation around this concept, this metaphor of head that Paul
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repeatedly brings into view. For Christ and his church. It's
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literally his sacrificial love is the starting place for the
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church to even be in existence. Yes, right, and so
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Paul is bringing that into view for the husbands, that
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there is a sacrificial love that is going to empower
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his wife. And really, before we go on from there,
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I want, I do want to go back to the
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Ephesians five just a little bit, because before you even
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get into this conversation about marriage, you have verse twenty one,
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and it says, and subject yourselves to one another in
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the fear of Christ. That is the starting point as
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you go into the whole conversation about the wives and
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the husbands. If it's a conversation about subjecting yourselves one
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unto another. Paul is now getting ready to describe to
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husbands and wives what that looks like. Yes, right, and
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I mean you could even go to the beginning of
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the chapter. He says, and walk in love. This is
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verse two, so Ephesians, Chapter five, Verse two, and walk
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in love, just as Christ loved you and gave himself
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up for us as an offering and a sacrifice to
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God as a fragrant and roma. The two commands that
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are given to the husband and wife to submit and
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to sacrificially love, are first given to the whole church.
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In the same chapter, the four talks about the husband's
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and wife. This whole thing is about love. It is
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how to love your spouse. Yes, and so the wife
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is told to submit to her husband. This is a
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mutual submission, right, and she aligning herself with her husband
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is an act of love. And that is actually there's
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even scientific studies around how men actually feel love. But
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we don't have to get into that, okay. So going
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on from that, you've got those two verses really kind
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of establishing husband being head of the wife. Right. We
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see this in the Ephesian chapter five, and then the
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First Corinthians chapter eleven, Christ being head of the church,
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and Colossians chapter one. It says this, the sun is
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the image of the invisible God, the first born over
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all creation. For in him all things were created, things
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in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether throats
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or powers, or rulers or authorities, all things have been
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created through him and for him. He is before all things,
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and in him all things hold together. And he is
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the head of the body the Church. He is the
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beginning and the firstborn among the dead. It's clear that
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God is the boss. He's in charge of the whole
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kitten kaboodle, yes, and also everything comes out from him.
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But this relationship of head to the body of the
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Church is a special, unique relationship because Christ is not
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the head of everything, right, Paul. Here in this he
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doesn't say that Christ is the head of unbelievers or
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the head of the world. He's head of the body,
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which is the believers, the Christians, and so there is
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a special, unique relationship there.
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And so these passages really describe been defined for us.
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What is the true intention by his use of the
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word head or it isn't top, it isn't.
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It's not final decision maker, thank you he And just
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to be clear, Jesus is final decision maker, yes, but
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that's not what the metaphor of head is to the church.
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Now, there's some other supportive passages that describe the interaction
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between a husband and wife, right, and how it's supposed
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to look. The wife is frequently described as helper or partner,
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making marriage a team effort where the husband seeks counsel
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and wisdom from his wife. And so I want to
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look at some passages and refer to just a couple.
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But let's start in Genesis, chapter two and verse eighteen.
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It says the Lord God said, it is not good
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for the man to be alone. I will make a
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helper suitable for him. So fun fact, the Hebrew word
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used here for helper is and I think I'm pronouncing
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that correctly. In the Old Testament, this word is most
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frequently used to describe God himself as Israel's helper in
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times of desperate need. It does not imply a subordinate assistant,
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but rather a strong, essential rescuer or counterpart. So that's
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really important. It's yeah, it's a quality, it's a helper's.
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And the reason why is because how helper is sometimes portrayed, right,
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is like yourself. It's like your helper, like your sidekick. Yes,
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like when your kid helps you make cookies and you're like,
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they're making more of a mess. They're like your little helper,
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your little helper. Yes, not what this word means.
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No. We also have in Genesis chapter twenty one, verse twelve,
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that one says, but God said to him, do not
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be distressed about the boy and your slave woman. Listen
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to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac
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that your offspring will be reckoned. And so he's talking
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to Abraham, and when Abraham was conflicted over a major
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family decision, God directly mentioned to him, listen to and
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follow your wife's counsel. So, if men were supposed to
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be the ultimate decision makers, why would he tell him
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to listen to his wife?
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Because he agreed with the wife, that's the answer to that.
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In that case, God was like, your wife has the answer.
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Let's go with that one.
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Yes.
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This particular verse is important too because of Genesis chapter
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three when it talks about the fall and God calls
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out to Adam and says, because you listen to your wife. Yes,
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And so it gets negatively portrayed as listening to your
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wife actually resulted in something bad. Well, yeah, it did,
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because he did what he was not supposed to be doing.
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Yes, she said break a rule that God had already
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told him to not break.
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And so the issue is not listening to the wife.
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The issue is is it in line with God will?
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Yes, he broke a direct command.
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This is a good counter verse. So if somebody says
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to you, Adam, you know he listened to his wife
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and that was the problem. No, that wasn't the problem.
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The problem was that he did what he wasn't supposed
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to do. God himself has put written down in scripture
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for us so that we can have an example of
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where we can see him actually telling somebody to listen
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to their wife because they had a better idea of
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what direction to go. Yes.
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In First Peter, we can look at chapter three and
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verse seven and it says husbands in the same way,
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be consider it as you live with your wives and
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treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as
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heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so
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that nothing will hinder your prayers.
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Well, aren't they in charge because they're weak? I mean,
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isn't that what it says Amber biology.
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We are physically different, but it's describing the wife as
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the joint air. Here it establishes complete spiritual equality in partnership.
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Let's go, I'll reference a couple real quick. Ecclesiastes four
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nine through ten is the foundation for Christian marriage as
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a team where both partners lift each other up. You
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guys can look that one up. Proverbs, there's chapter thirty
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one eleventh or twelve, and then verse twenty six. It
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describes a godly husband completely trusting his wife's judgment, relying
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on her wisdom and counsel to manage their lives and
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household together. There's a passage in Judges chapter thirteen, verses
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twenty one and twenty three. It's when Manoa panicked thinking
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he and his wife were gonna die after they saw
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an angel, and his wife rationally counseled him, calmed him down,
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settled his fear, and he listened to her. Now, there
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is one more I want to really read and look at.
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It's Proverbs, chapter twelve and verse four that one says,
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a wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but
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a disgraceful is like de kay and his bones. Here,
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a crown represents honor and authority, right, and a wise
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wife elevates her husband's standing, implying he relies heavily on
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her character and her insight.
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And there's also a sense of like the the glory
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of the crown. Or let me say this, the woman
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in creation order is she is the final outflowing of
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God's creation, the final outflowing of God's glory. She is
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the thing that finally completes the very good. Yes right,
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he's like good, good, good, good creates Adam not finished
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yet it's not good.
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It's not good that he was alone.
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Right, So bringing in that Ezra helper, yes, right, and
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then that created the final very good Yes. And it's
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what it is is it's so beautiful because it's about
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the church. This is an image for us to see
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how how much God thinks of the beauty and the
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glory of his bride, the church.
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Yeah. Absolutely, it's the.
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Very good God is creator, right, he's complete in himself.
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But having the church is very good.
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Yes, it's important to.
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Note because if we're trying to mirror the relationship of
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our the physical relationships of husband and wife, right, and
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want to mirror that relationship of Christ and his bride,
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the Church, we should be understanding the perspective that God
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