Head

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Cassy: Welcome to Martha, Mary, and Mayhem. This is Cassandra Barbato, I'm your host. And I am Amber Jenks, your co-host.

Welcome. We are talking about...

Amber: The head of the household- some believe it could be the dude.

Cassy: Yes.

Amber: Some feel like it's the husband.

Cassy: Well, head of the house is a phrase that is used a lot about the man in the marriage, right?

But it's actually not what scripture says he is. The scripture says he's the head of the wife.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: If scripture meant to say that the husband is the head of the house, it would have said [00:01:00] that, but it doesn't.

It says the head of the wife. So we're gonna explore this concept today as the husband being the head of the wife, and what that means.

Amber: And there are a couple of examples the first one being Ephesians chapter 5. And we can look at verses 22 and 23. And starting in verse 22 it says, "Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He himself being the Savior of the body."

Cassy: What is the teaching that you had growing up about what that meant?

Amber: Oh, it totally meant he was my boss. Like- He's in

Cassy: charge ...

Amber: he was the final say, he was the authority.

He initiated all the things.

Cassy: Gotcha. What I was taught was, like, the final decision-maker.

Amber: Mm-hmm.

Cassy: I don't know that I had it as extreme of being, that the wife didn't have a say, but if there was, like, a disagreement, the husband was the tiebreaker.

Amber: Yeah.

Cassy: [00:02:00] The reason why there are those who believe that is because of this phrase, "head of the wife," and they interpret that head means authority.

So we should really look at what head means in scripture and in reference to Christ being the head of the church, and what Paul says in relationship to the husband being the head of the wife. Here's something that is really This is just gonna blow everybody's mind. Guess what- ... guess what head means in the Greek?

Amber: What does head mean in the Greek? It just means head. Oh. Like, the thing on top of your shoulders. Crazy. It- So it doesn't mean power or- No ... authority or- No ... ruler. No. It's a body part. There, it's a metaphor.

Cassy: Mm-hmm. And so if it's a metaphor, Paul is probably the one who can describe to us his own metaphor

and what that means.

Amber: We just have to look a couple verses down at verse 25. "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church [00:03:00] and gave himself up for her."

Cassy: Mm-hmm.

Amber: So it's not dictatorship. It's a position of sacrificial service. This example for the husband is Christ who loved the church so much, he gave his life for it.

Sacrificial love Even in that verse 23 where it says, "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church," Paul starts describing his own metaphor right there- Mm-hmm ... 'cause he says, "He himself being the savior- Yes ... of the body."

Cassy: He doesn't say, "He himself being the decision-maker of the body," or, "He himself being in charge or the boss of the body." And to be clear, Jesus is the boss. He's in charge. This particular metaphor is not referencing his authority.

Amber: 1 Corinthians 11:3 says, "But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is man, and the head [00:04:00] of Christ is God."

Cassy: Yep.

Amber: That's also using that word again.

Cassy: Yes.

Amber: That we-

Cassy: So the, the real question is, is what does Paul mean by head? Does he mean boss? , Because if you go through this passage, when you get down to the bottom of it, it, it says, "For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman, but everything comes from God."

This is a conversation about origins. There's a, an origin of life conversation around this concept, this metaphor of head that Paul repeatedly brings into view. For Christ and his church, it's literally his w- sacrificial love is the starting place for, for the church to even be in existence.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: Right?

And so Paul is bringing that into view for the husbands, that there is a sacrificial love that is going to empower his wife. And, and really we, r- before we get, go on from there, I wa- I [00:05:00] do wanna go back to Ephesians 5 just a little bit because before you even get into this conversation about marriage, you have verse 21 and it says, "And subject yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ."

That is the starting point as you go into the whole conversation about the wives and the husbands.

Amber: Mm-hmm.

Cassy: If it's a conversation about subjecting yourselves one unto another, Paul is now getting ready to describe to husbands and wives what that looks like.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: Right? And I mean, you could even go to the beginning of the chapter.

He says, "And walk in love." This is verse two, so Ephesians chapter 5 verse 2, "And walk in love just as Christ loved you and gave himself up for us as an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma." The two, the two commands that are given to the husband and wife to submit and to sacrificially love are first given to the whole church in the same chapter.[00:06:00]

The four talks about the husbands and wife. This, this whole thing is about love.

Amber: Mm-hmm.

Cassy: It is how to love your spouse.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: And so the wife is told to submit to her husband. This is a mutual submission, right? And, and h- she aligning herself with her husband is an act of love, and that is actually-- There's even scientific studies around how men actually feel love, but we don't have to get into that.

Okay. So going on from that, you've got those two verses really kind of establishing husband being head of the wife, right? We see this, in the Ephesians chapter 5 and then the 1 Corinthians chapter 11. Christ being head of the church.

In Colossians chapter 1, it says this: "The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether [00:07:00] thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.

He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning and the firstborn among the dead." It's clear that God is the boss. He's in charge of the whole kit and kaboodle.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: And also everything comes out from him.

But this relationship of head to the body of the church is a special, unique relationship because Christ is not the head of everything, right? Paul here in this ch- he doesn't say that Christ is the head of

Amber: unbelievers- Mm-hmm ...

Cassy: or the head of the world. He's head of the body, which is the believers, the Christians.

And so there is a special, unique relationship there.

Amber: And so these passages really [00:08:00] describe and define for us what is the true intention by the, his use of the word head., It isn't top,

it isn't

Cassy: It's not final decision-maker.

Amber: Thank you.

Cassy: He-- And, and just to be clear, Jesus is final decision-maker.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: But that's not what the metaphor of head is to the church.

Amber: Now, there's some other supportive passages that describe the interaction between a husband and wife, right? And how it's supposed to look. The wife is frequently described as helper or partner, making marriage a team effort where the husband seeks counsel and wisdom from his wife.

And so I wanna look at some passages and refer to just a couple, but let's start in Genesis 2:18. It says, "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'"

So fun fact, the Hebrew word used here for helper is [00:09:00] ezer, and I think I'm pronouncing that correctly. in the Old Testament, this word is most frequently used to describe God himself as Israel's helper in times of desperate need. It does not imply subordinate assistant, but rather a strong, essential rescuer or counterpart.

So that's really important. It's-

Cassy: Yeah ...

Amber: it's equality. It's a helper. It's- And,

Cassy: and the reason why is because how helper is sometimes portrayed, right? Mm-hmm. Is like yourself- It's like your helper, like your sidekick.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: Like when your kid helps you make cookies, and you're like, "They're making more of a mess."

They're like your little helper, right?

Amber: Your little helper, yes.

Cassy: Not what this word means.

Amber: No. We also have in Genesis 12 chapter 21, verse 12 That one says, " But God said to him, 'Do not be distressed about the boy and your slave woman. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.'"

And so he's talking to Abraham.

Cassy: [00:10:00] Mm-hmm.

Amber: And when Abraham was conflicted over a m- major family decision, God directly mentioned to him, "Listen to and follow your wife's counsel." So if men were supposed to be the ultimate decision-makers, why would he tell him to listen to his wife?

Cassy: Because he agreed with the wife.

That's the answer to that. In that case, God was like, "Your wife has the answer. Let's go with that one."

Amber: Y- yes.

Cassy: This particular verse is important, too, because of Genesis chapter 3 when it talks about, the fall, and God calls out to Adam and says "Because you listened to your wife."

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: And so it gets negatively portrayed as listening to your wife actually resulted in something bad. Well, yeah, it did, because he did what he was not supposed to be doing.

Amber: Yes. She said break a rule that God had already told him to not break.

Cassy: And so the issue is not listening to the wife. The issue is, is it in line with [00:11:00] God's will?

Amber: Yes. He broke a direct command.

Cassy: This is a good counter verse. So if somebody says to you, "Adam, you know, be- he listened to his wife and that was the problem," no, that wasn't the problem.

The problem was that he did what he wasn't supposed to do God himself has put, written it down in scripture for us so that we can have an example of where we can see him actually telling somebody to listen to their wife, 'cause they had a better idea of what direction to go.

Amber: Yes. In 1 Peter- We can look at chapter three and verse seven, and it says, "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as

you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

Cassy: Well, aren't they in charge 'cause they're weak? I mean, isn't that what it says, Amber?

Amber: Biology, we are physically different, but it's describing the wife [00:12:00] as the joint heir here.

It establishes complete spiritual equality and partnership.

Let's, I got, I'll reference a couple real quick. Ecclesiastes 4:9 through 10 is the foundation for Christian marriage as a team where both partners lift each other up. You guys can look that one up. Proverbs, there's, chapter 31, 11 through 12, and then verse 26. It describes a godly husband completely trusting his wife's judgment, relying on her wisdom and counsel to manage their lives and household together.

There's a passage in Judges 13:21 and 23. It's when Manoah panicked, thinking he and his wife were gonna die after they saw an angel, and his wife rationally counseled him, calmed him down, settled his fear, and he listened to her. Now, there is one more I wanna really read and look at. It's Proverbs 12:4 That one says, "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful [00:13:00] wife is like decay in his bones."

Here, a crown represents honor and authority, right? Mm-hmm. And a wise wife elevates her husband's standing, implying he relies heavily on her character and her insight.

Cassy: And there's also a sense of, like, the, the glory of the crown.

Or let me say this. The woman in creation order is, she is the final outflowing of God's creation, the final outflowing of God's glory. She is the thing that finally completes the very good.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: Right? He's like, "Good, good, good, good," creates Adam. Not finished yet.

It's not good.

Amber: It's not good that he was alone.

Cassy: Right. So bringing in that, that Ezra helper.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: Right? And then that created the final very good.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: And, and it's ... What it is is it's so beautiful because it's about the church. This is an image for us to see [00:14:00] how, how much God thinks of the beauty and the glory of his bride, the church.

Amber: Yeah, absolutely.

Cassy: It's the very good. God is creator, right? He's complete in himself. But having the church is very good.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: It's important to note because if we're trying to mirror the relationship of our, the physical relationships of husband and wife, right? And wanna mirror that relationship of Christ and His bride, the church, we should be understanding the perspective that God has towards the Church, that Christ has towards the Church.

Amber: Yes. That she is that special outflowing sparkling gem.

Mm-hmm.

Cassy: Gosh, there's some good stuff that we should go back to Ephesians 5 and just point out for a sec. I wanna show you this because there's some other things in this passage that I think have really been taken out of context. [00:15:00] When Paul shifts to the husband and he starts giving instructions to the husband, he says, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her."

Right out of the gate, you're gonna find that Paul never tells the husband to be the boss, never tells him to be spiritual, spiritual leader. No. Like that language is not used. Do I think that a husband should be a spiritual leader? Yeah. I think that grown, mature Christians should be leading other Christians , to know the Lord more.

That is, there's a spiritual leading that as mature Christians, we do. That, that should be a part of maturity. So yes, I do think that the husband should be a spiritual-- I don't think he is the one that's in between the wife and, and God. I think the, the wife, she reports directly to Him.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: Okay. So husbands, love your wives as Christ...

There's a sacrificial love, and gave Himself up for her. So starting right out of the gou- gate, Paul's like, "This is how you operate in your submissive role to the wife. The wife submits to you, and you're going [00:16:00] to love her with sacrificial love." This is a mutual submission. So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water of the word.

This is so cool. Okay, what word did Christ wash His bride with? What was the word? Like, if you could think of what's the word 'cause I've never, I never noted this before until just, I was reading through this and I was kinda meditating on this.

'Cause I'm like, I've been told so many times that the husband is supposed to wash his wife with the Bible.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: Right? That's the, that's the rendition that I've been given.

Amber: Yeah.

Cassy: The husband is supposed to teach her the word of God.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: It doesn't say that. Paul is telling you husbands how you can love your wife, and he's demonstrating it through the example of how Christ loved his bride.

So there should be something we can compare it to. The word that Christ washed his wife with is the gospel.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: It's, [00:17:00] it's, "I love you, and I love you so much, I'm willing to die for you."

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: That's the word that washes the bride. Okay? So what word just throw this out there, would a husband set his bride apart for himself?

The, this is not Paul telling the husband to set h- the wife apart for God. This is Paul telling the husband how to set her apart for him.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: This is the husband setting apart his own wife for him. That's what sanctification, being set apart for, right? That he might sanctify her. We were set apart for Christ through the word of the gospel, which is, "I loved you so much I died for you," that he might present to himself the church in all her glory.

He's seeing the church as a sparkling, washed, beautiful, glorified being, right?

Amber: Mm-hmm.

Cassy: And as one body. But the husband [00:18:00] is also likewise to wash his bride, and that word is, "I love you."

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: And it's, "I love you so much, I'm willing to give myself up for you." And in this way, he will separate, he will sanctify that woman for himself.

And in that way, Paul is also teaching the husband how to view his wife. Because I can guarantee you, I'm not a sparkling gem all the time. Okay? I'm, I can have all my own issues, right? I do need to take a shower every now and then.

Amber: Mm-hmm.

Cassy: Yeah? So I'm also not quite as cute as I was when I was 20- ... or 25, or 30 even.

So when I'm going through looking at this, the way the husband is supposed to view the wife is that she is without spot or wrinkle.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: And it's because he is seeing her as set apart, I love you so much. It's all a teaching of the husband how... Now, the [00:19:00] response that he's gonna get from the wife is gonna be a good one when he starts operating that way.

And the same thing for the wife. When the wife submits... Now here's a good thing. Let me ask the husbands this. Do you want a wife who is- As, as we have been traditionally taught in some places, easily deceived. She's weak and easily deceived. So she's weak in body and weak in mind. Is that the type of woman you want submitting to you?

Does that feel like love to you? Or do you have a woman who is strong in character, strong in wisdom, knows the Lord, has all of this strength, and yet she is still willing to set aside her own way, her own perspective, her own wisdom , and she's willing to submit and align herself with you?

Which one is gonna feel more like love? [00:20:00] The one who's desperately needs to lean on you 'cause they can't do it themselves? Or the one who has the strength and ability, but is willing to align themselves out of their love for you and out, and out of how impressed they are with you and the Lord? This, this is the picture. It's mature, healthy, spiritually fed people, a husband and a wife, mutually submitting one unto another in these ways that look like and represent Christ and his bride.

Amber: Yes, out of a clear choice and out of the acceptance of the instruction from the Lord.

Cassy: Right.

Amber: Not just out of blind submission.

Cassy: So then who's the tiebreaker if the two cannot align?

Amber: I feel like Jesus is the answer here.

Cassy: I th- I think that's the right way to go. Like, if the idea is, no, somebody's gotta be in charge because there's gotta be a decision m- there is a decision-maker. Did you forget that you were given the Holy Spirit?

Amber: Yes. [00:21:00] And a whole big instruction book and everything.

Cassy: Yes. To lead and guide you into truth. You have a, you have a tiebreaker. You have a leader. It is Christ the Lord. So those are just some good things that I found, but, and when I really was meditating on this, because I'm not like a natural submitter.

I'm not like a natural like, "Yeah, whatever you wanna do." I'm always the more opinionated one.

Amber: I can see your personality. I, I similarly may or may not naturally see the other side of any opinion given to me. Mm-hmm. So it, it's, it was something I wrestled with, for sure. Oh, for

Cassy: sure. And I remember talking to the Lord, even recently, and asking him about what, why is the wife submitting to the husband?

And it was like a light bulb went on, is that that is how your husband is gonna know your love for him. You aligning yourself with him is you saying, "I love you"- Yes ... to your husband. Just as He giving up Himself for you is saying He loves you [00:22:00] to you.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: It's actually a really beautiful picture.

It's not about a line of authority.

Amber: No. And it really solves the mystery of how do you communicate with your spouse, how do you let them know you truly do love them. Mm-hmm. Because men and women are wired differently

so it's, it's here. There is no mystery to it. He tells us how to do it.

Cassy: What's the main takeaway?

Amber: We established what head means.

Cassy: What does head mean? Like how do, how... If somebody needs-- What does head mean in this case?

Amber: It's the position of sacrificial service.

Cassy: Mm-hmm. That sacrificial love. I mean, he says it right out of the gate, right? He himself being savior of the body. How is he savior? He gave himself up for her.

That's in verse 25. As Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.

And in that way, he becomes source of life to the body.

Amber: And then we have all the examples, even clear instruction from God to Abraham to listen to the counsel of the wife, that there is a partnership, that there is an equality there.

Cassy: Amen, [00:23:00] sister.

Amber: Let's look at some really good examples next time of who we should be looking up to, who we should really use as the examples of the ordained female leaders.

Cassy: Yep, that'll be good, because there's some good Old Testament, good New Testament examples of this, and that way we can see that the, it's not just a theory.

God has been doing this the whole time.

Amber: Yes.

Cassy: Yeah. So that'll be good. That'll be fun. All right. Well, we will see you next week then.

Amber: Come back next week